


The One Where Kurt Doesn't Know

by flaming_muse



Category: Glee
Genre: Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-12
Updated: 2015-02-12
Packaged: 2018-03-12 02:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3340208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flaming_muse/pseuds/flaming_muse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What’s going on with Blaine?” Rachel asks Kurt in a voice that isn’t quite low enough for his liking.</p><p>set at the end of 6x06 (“What the World Needs Now”), with absolutely no spoilers beyond</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where Kurt Doesn't Know

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn’t planning on writing a fic for 6x06. Between the endless snow here and the fact that there was so little to hang a fic on in the episode, I’d resigned myself to taking the week off.
> 
> Kurt had other ideas. He cleared his throat and tapped his foot at me until I wrote something for him.
> 
> [There is now a Spanish version!](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11047691/1/The-One-Where-Kurt-Doesn-t-Know)

Twirling his glass of cider in his hand, Kurt stands beside Mr. Schuester’s couch, half-listening to Mercedes and Santana trade hair care secrets and pretending not to be watching Blaine talking to Artie across the room. Kurt’s very good at nodding in the right places and even offering a comment or two while his attention is actually focused elsewhere, laser-sharp and curious.

Perched neatly on a chair, Blaine looks achingly handsome to Kurt but also oddly tired, the smile he’s giving Artie not quite reaching his eyes. Kurt’s grown used to Blaine faking it with him - though, to Kurt’s great pleasure, it’s been happening much less often in recent weeks - but he’s not used to seeing Blaine do it with his other friends. Something’s wrong. Kurt has no idea what’s on Blaine’s mind, but something’s definitely not right.

Kurt doesn’t know if he should be worried or happy. He doesn’t know if Blaine’s arrival without Dave means anything at all. All he knows is that he can’t look away from him for long without his gaze slowly drifting back of its own accord to Blaine’s carefully composed face.

He itches to know, the desire a prickle under his skin he can’t scratch. He wants to know what Blaine’s thinking and feeling. He wants Blaine to let him in. He wants to push all of the history and barriers between them away so that they can share everything about their lives again.

But he knows he’s not welcome to do that.

They can talk, they can be friends, they can apparently even kiss under duress and make him, at least, face the fundamental fact yet again that nothing else compares to how he feels about Blaine, but he can’t push. He can’t pry. He can only wait.

Kurt looks down into his cider, resignation rising within him like the bubbles in his glass. He has always been better at pushing and forcing his own path than letting things happen around him. When a door is closed for him, he likes to come up with a detailed plan to kick it open and pick just the right pair of shoes to wear while doing so.

This time, though, he can’t make a plan. It isn’t up to him. He can make choices about his own life, but as much as he might like to, he can’t do the same for Blaine’s.

A hand on his arm startles him, and the shock loosens Kurt’s feet enough that Rachel is able to pull him a few feet away from the couch before he can stop her.

“What’s going on with Blaine?” she asks him in a voice that isn’t quite low enough for his liking.

“I don’t know,” Kurt tells Rachel and watches Blaine smile politely but tightly at Kitty.

“It’s a great party, but he doesn’t seem very relaxed,” she says. “I would hate to think that the competition between New Directions and the Warblers is getting in the way of our friendship. Those of us who are working passionately to spread the joys of the arts to today’s youth need to stick together.”

Kurt is fairly certain that Rachel thinks the party is so wonderful because she’s spent the past hour talking to Sam without paying attention to anyone else; he’s actually kind of surprised that she noticed Blaine’s mood at all. “I don’t know what’s going on,” he says.

She peers around Kurt’s shoulder in Blaine’s direction. “And why isn’t Dave with him?” she asks. “Did something happen?”

“I don’t know,” he admits yet again and tries not to speculate too much. That way only lies madness and even more heartbreak. He can’t think about it.

He knows even if Blaine did become single it doesn’t mean Blaine would want him back. They kissed, but Blaine had agreed - _insisted_ \- that it didn’t mean anything, no matter that the touch of his lips had broken Kurt open all over again. They are friends, which is a relief in itself, but there’s no tangible reason for him to believe that Blaine will ever want more with him again. Blaine has said nothing about it. Kurt can’t assume.

Kurt has always been able to trust his instincts, but one thing he’s learned is that he gets in trouble in painful ways when he assumes he knows what’s going on in Blaine’s heart.

Across the room, Blaine pours Artie some more cider, gentlemanly as ever, and Kurt can’t quite hold back the wave of nostalgia and fondness that threatens to sweep through him. Blaine had poured his drinks for him, too, even in the elevator.

Kurt’s missed that about him.

“Kurt!” Rachel smacks him lightly on the arm.

Kurt’s head swings toward her in surprise, breaking the way he was staring at Blaine without meaning to. “What?”

His heart feels fragile inside of him, thin as an eggshell and cracked through but still holding together. He can live his life and push forward, but only if he doesn’t let himself get _too_ caught up in hope when he doesn’t know anything. His spirits might be lifting against his will that for once Dave isn’t here holding onto Blaine, staking his claim, but he can’t let himself think too much about it.

She lowers her voice to a stage whisper. “Since you don’t know anything about what’s going on with Blaine, why don’t you go _ask_ him?” She furrows her eyebrows pointedly and makes a shooing motion between them with her fingers.

“Ask him yourself,” Kurt replies. “You’re his friend, too.”

“Kurt!” she says again more loudly, and out of the corner of his eye he sees Blaine look up toward him. He doesn’t let himself look back, even as his heart speeds up, like a hawk sensing movement in the grass below.

But no, that’s not right. He’s not on the hunt, and Blaine isn’t prey. Kurt’s just _aware_ , aware of Blaine.

“You said the kiss was amazing,” Rachel reminds him. “Go talk to him.” She pushes a little on his arm.

“I’m already regretting telling you about that,” Kurt says under his breath.

“No, I _know_ it was because of Sue,” she says, softening a little. “But Kurt, it could still be an opening. You have to go take it.”

He’s more than a little tempted. A part of Kurt still expects to be able to go to Blaine at any time and be received with open arms and a heartfelt smile, but that’s not how things work between them now. Some parts of their friendship are getting easier, but Blaine’s not his anymore.

It may not sit right on his shoulders, but it’s how things are. He’s learned to live with it.

Kurt’s intuition tells him that the reason Blaine looks unhappy doesn’t have to do with him this time but with something else. He’d been quick enough to hug him at the door, after all, no awkwardness there. It’s enough to make Kurt feel like he _should_ pull him aside and ask.

But still... if Kurt’s learned anything from their break-up it’s that he can’t do everything his way with Blaine. He wants to be direct and communicate, but that doesn’t have to be the right choice for Blaine.

“He has to come to me,” Kurt says with a sigh. “If it comes up, I’ll ask, but... I can’t push him, Rachel. He has to come to me.”

It’s frustrating, that itch to know rising under his skin again. He hates it, but even more it makes him sad.

Something’s happened in Blaine’s life, but Kurt can’t ask. He can’t find out if it’s big or small. He can’t find out if it’s serious or easily swept away. He can’t ask anything at all, not beyond his polite “How are you?” in the kitchen that was met with a simple “Fine.” That was Blaine’s answer, and Kurt _has_ to take it, whether he likes it or not.

Kurt’s lost the right to push. Blaine’s allowed to have his secrets.

“But you want him to,” Rachel says, looking up at him with sympathy. “To come to you.”

“Of course I do.” His heart cracking a little more, Kurt looks back at Blaine, who is focused on Artie again. There’s a compression at the corner of Blaine’s mouth that Kurt knows all too well, a sign that things are not right in Blaine’s heart. He saw it a lot before they split up. He hates seeing it again, even if it’s not about him this time.

“You should ask, Kurt,” Rachel says softly.

Kurt shakes his head and turns away from Blaine. He takes a sip of his cider. “I can’t.”

“But you’re still friends. It’s not like you to keep quiet.”

“I can’t make him want to talk to me, not anymore,” Kurt says. “He knows I’m here. He knows I... care.” _Love him_ is on the tip of Kurt’s tongue, but he keeps the words inside. Blaine knows how he feels, but Kurt needs to keep those emotions to himself. They aren’t anything he can express, not when Blaine doesn’t want him to, not when Blaine doesn’t want that from him anymore.

“Kurt - “ Rachel begins, and Kurt’s temper flares to life, burning low in his stomach.

He bends toward her, his voice dropping further. “What, am I supposed to go over and offer a breezy, ‘Where’s Dave?’ Or maybe ‘You look tired; what’s going on?’” (Or, if he were feeling reckless and desperate, possibly ‘You look upset, and don’t you want to tell me that I’m the only person in the world who can help you feel better?’)

“Yes!” she tells him.

Kurt rolls his eyes and stands up straight again. He should have expected that answer from her. “Then you do it. You aren’t known for being subtle, anyway.”

“Subtlety doesn’t get us what we want, Kurt,” Rachel reminds him pointedly.

With a sigh, Kurt’s annoyance drains out of him again. “Sometimes being direct doesn’t either.” It didn’t get him Blaine back, after all.

Rachel nods, chewing thoughtfully on the corner of her lip.

“He has to come to me,” he says again, wishing he had any other option. But Blaine knows how he feels. He knows Kurt is his friend if nothing else. Kurt can only be open to him and not push. He can only respect Blaine enough to make his own choices. “If he wants to at all.”

“Okay,” she says, and she hugs him, sudden and quick, an unexpected burst of love that warms his heart.

Out of the corner of his eye, Kurt sees Blaine glancing over at them with curiosity, and he pastes a small smile on his face as he lets go of Rachel. He lets his gaze drift over to Blaine and includes him in the smile, too, which Blaine returns.

Rachel draws breath to speak, and Kurt hurries to cut her off before she can begin.

“Sam’s looking lonely over on the couch,” he says.

He knows she means well, but he doesn’t want to hear her advice or sympathy. He just needs to live in this new normal and try not to hope for more than he can actually get.

He’s not sure how well he will succeed at not hoping, because his whole life has been built on fighting for his hopes and dreams, but at least he can keep moving forward and not give in too much to it.

Her smile softens as she looks over at Sam. “You should come talk with us,” she says. “He might have some ideas for Sectionals.”

Kurt is fairly certain they already have more than enough ideas with all of their friends coming back and adding their two cents when he and Rachel are supposed to be in charge, but he settles on a friendly, “Maybe later.” He waves his half-full glass. “I’m going to get a refill.”

As he expects, Rachel re-joins Sam on the couch as soon as Kurt leaves her side, and for lack of anything better to do Kurt does fill up his glass with cider again and joins a conversation between Mr. Schuester and Mercedes about her recording schedule.

Still, despite his best intentions and the genuine interest he has in his friend’s life, he can’t help but scan the room until he finds Blaine in the corner, this time talking with a careful gentleness with Jane.

Blaine’s eyes are tight, even as he nods at something she’s saying.

It goes against Kurt’s nature to stand across the room from Blaine, see the strain in his smile and the stiffness of his shoulders, and not reach out to get to the bottom of it. It’s what feels right for him to do. If Blaine’s discomfort were bigger or more obvious, he would, but... Kurt knows tonight he can’t. If their break-up and all of his months of therapy has taught him anything it’s that no matter how much he thinks he knows best, everything isn’t actually up to him.

He has spent his whole life trusting his instincts despite what other people around him said, but this time if there’s any chance of things working between them, even just as friends, he has to trust Blaine, too.

Kurt focuses back on Mercedes and forces a smile onto his face again, going against the yearning in his heart.

He wants to know what’s going on. He wants _Blaine_ beneath it all, though he knows better than to think too hard about it.

But it isn’t up to him.

Kurt just has to be here, trust Blaine to know what he needs, and - despite what he knows he should allow himself to dream, despite how he’s making choices for his life that have nothing to do with Blaine - hope against hope that what Blaine needs might at some point be _him_.

**Author's Note:**

> Reminder: I am spoiler-free! Please don't say anything to me about what's coming ahead.


End file.
